Everywhere you go, especially on the internet, bad advice is getting thrown around by self-proclaimed experts. I can’t tell you how many times I read these tips and want to smash my head through the computer monitor. Not only are the tips themselves terrible, but the paradigm for which these “pickup artists” are operating is just setting themselves up for long term failure. Here are a few myths that I’d like to dispel off the bat.
1) Women date jerks and bad boys while nice guys finish last.
Incorrect. Some women prefer to date jerks, but emotionally HEALTHY women have enough self-worth to not bother with jerks and know the difference between a dominant, confident male, and an abusive toolbox.
That’s the most important thing here: in general, women are naturally passive and thus are attracted to the polar opposite of passive: dominant. This is not a personality thing, however, it’s a natural essence, something that you don’t have to try to portray. Dominant is not fighting at a bar, or abusing a woman. Dominant is being who you truly are inside… a man, and not letting your issues and insecurities stop you from doing something as simple and natural as meeting and having a conversation with a woman.
I’m polite, and kind, and (dare I say?) nice, and have had quite a bit of fun in the dating game. Being naturally dominant means being YOU, whoever that is.
2) Do not pay for dinner or buy drinks. This is something that only a nice guy would do.
This goes hand-in-hand with number one, and is equally as incorrect. I’ll say this: Paying for dinner or a drink will not land you a woman. But going out of your way and not paying for her in order to prove a point could most certainly screw up an encounter that is going well otherwise.
There is no hard and fast rule. It is completely situational but here are some guidelines.
- Don’t open with “Can I buy you a drink?” or send a drink from across the bar. This is absolutely pointless and has done nothing to get you closer to meeting a knowing this woman. Opening with “Can I buy you a drink?” is completely cliche and can actually be insulting. Show some sort of creativity and/or balls.
- If I’m already engaged in good conversation with a woman, I will happily buy her a drink. Women don’t waste their time and pretend to have a good conversation just for the possibility of scoring a free drink, so at that point she’ll appreciate it, and she may be even more inclined to hang around for the new round.
- I always buy dinner on the first date. Always. The stipulation is that I pick the venue and it’s always affordable yet classy. I always take notice of whether the woman at least offers to pay for her half of the check. If she doesn’t, it raises some flags with me.
When dinner was over, I usually recommended going elsewhere for dessert and coffee. This is where I would expect that the woman would offer to pay, and I’d let them. Again, if she doesn’t offer paying for this either, more flags go up. I wouldn’t completely disqualify her because some women are taught that a woman offering to pay is somehow offensive to her date.
- On a related note, do not pick an expensive or fancy restaurant for the first date. Two reasons:
a) A woman that refuses to go on a second date with you because the restaurant you chose for the first date wasn’t “fancy” enough, is a woman that you do not need in your life. You should be searching for a woman who wants to be with you because she enjoys your time together, not because she gets pampered with fancy restaurants. She should be falling in love with you, not your money.
b) The chances of there being a second date is usually about 50/50. Compatibility can be hard to come by, and you’ll run into more than a few dates where there is simply no spark or chemistry. Taking every first date to an expensive restaurant means that you have a 50% chance of burning a lot of money for nothing.
3) Women play games and speak a different language.
Women do not play games any more or less than men. Both genders equally play dating games and for the same reasons: Neither sex understands the other. So in order to protect ourselves, we resort to games. However games only further complicate the mating process.
Dating is something that men and women do together. It’s not a war. There need not be strategy, or a battle plan, or things that you “do to” a woman to “make her” fall for you. Women want to fall for you. By being honest and making our intentions known, we’re setting the example and showing a woman that she can let her guard down and be real with you as well. Before you know it, the communication lines are opened up and the real fun can begin.
Hey guys,
Was wondering if any of you are part of any free dating sites?
Ive been researching and looking around for all the best free dating sites to join.
A lot of free dating sites are free, but you need to verify your age with your credit card which a lot
of people aren’t comfortable with.
Ive found a site that lists all the free dating sites where you dont need credit card at all.
Just simply your name.. age.. email.. and your good to go!
This is the best and most realistic dating advice I’ve ever read. I’m so often amused at all the websites and books out there for men (and women) that give the most abominable dating advice ever.
It reminds me of a friend of my family who was bemoaning how horrible and manipulative women were and how his relationships always collapsed as a result. was just 19 at the time when he was talking to my parents about it. I could see the irriation on my mother’s face and knew she was keeping her opinion to herself but I had no such qualms. I said to him, “Maybe it’s because you’re 34 and you only date 18 – 22 year old strippers. Ya think that might be your problem? Maybe you should go for a different type of woman.” He flat out said that he wasn’t attracted to any other type of woman. My reply was one I’d heard my grandmother say many times: Hey, you wade in garbage, you’re gonna stink. To this day, he has been married and divorced 5 times – all too the same type of woman. You’d think he’d learn – but Noooo, he’s still hopefully operating under the same MO.
Women are just as culpable in dating the player/bad boy and claiming that there are no nice men in the world anymore.
Well Heather if you have any interests or hobbies where like minded people meet would be a good place to hook up with someone. There are a lot of single men out there also that have kids of their own and are looking for females with same qualities. My opinion would be not to go bar hopping to find someone as majority of time it is for a one night stand only. Best of luck in your search.