Everywhere you go, especially on the internet, bad advice is getting thrown around by self-proclaimed experts.  I can’t tell you how many times I read these tips and want to smash my head through the computer monitor.  Not only are the tips themselves terrible, but the paradigm for which these “pickup artists” are operating is just setting themselves up for long term failure.  Here are a few myths that I’d like to dispel off the bat.

1) Women date jerks and bad boys while nice guys finish last.

Incorrect.  Some women prefer to date jerks, but emotionally HEALTHY  women have enough self-worth to not bother with jerks and know the difference between a dominant, confident male, and an abusive toolbox.

That’s the most important thing here: in general, women are naturally passive and thus are attracted to the polar opposite of passive: dominant.  This is not a personality thing, however, it’s a natural essence, something that you don’t have to try to portray.   Dominant is not fighting at a bar, or abusing a woman.  Dominant is being who you truly are inside… a man, and not letting your issues and insecurities stop you from doing something as simple and natural as meeting and having a conversation with a woman.

I’m polite, and kind, and (dare I say?) nice, and have had quite a bit of fun in the dating game.  Being naturally dominant means being YOU, whoever that is.

2) Do not pay for dinner or buy drinks.  This is something that only a nice guy would do.

This goes hand-in-hand with number one, and is equally as incorrect.  I’ll say this: Paying for dinner or a drink will not land you a woman.  But going out of your way and not paying for her in order to prove a point could most certainly screw up an encounter that is going well otherwise.

There is no hard and fast rule.  It is completely situational but here are some guidelines.

• Don’t open with “Can I buy you a drink?” or send a drink from across the bar.  This is absolutely pointless and has done nothing to get you closer to meeting a knowing this woman.   Opening with “Can I buy you a drink?” is completely cliche and can actually be insulting.  Show some sort of creativity and/or balls.
• If I’m already engaged in good conversation with a woman, I will happily buy her a drink.  Women don’t waste their time and pretend to have a good conversation just for the possibility of scoring a free drink, so at that point she’ll appreciate it, and she may be even more inclined to hang around for the new round.
• I always buy dinner on the first date.  Always.  The stipulation is that I pick the venue and it’s always affordable yet classy.  I always take notice of whether the woman at least offers to pay for her half of the check.  If she doesn’t, it raises some flags with me.

  When dinner was over, I usually recommended going elsewhere for dessert and coffee.  This is where I would expect that the woman would offer to pay, and I’d let them.  Again, if she doesn’t offer paying for this either, more flags go up.  I wouldn’t completely disqualify her because some women are taught that a woman offering to pay is somehow offensive to her date.

• On a related note, do not pick an expensive or fancy restaurant for the first date.  Two reasons:

  a) A woman that refuses to go on a second date with you because the restaurant you chose for the first date wasn’t “fancy” enough, is a woman that you do not need in your life.   You should be searching for a woman who wants to be with you because she enjoys your time together, not because she gets pampered with fancy restaurants.  She should be falling in love with you, not your money.

  b) The chances of there being a second date is usually about 50/50.  Compatibility can be hard to come by, and you’ll run into more than a few dates where there is simply no spark or chemistry. Taking every first date to an expensive restaurant means that you have a 50% chance of burning a lot of money for nothing.

3) Women play games and speak a different language.

Women do not play games any more or less than men.  Both genders equally play dating games and for the same reasons: Neither sex understands the other.  So in order to protect ourselves, we resort to games.  However games only further complicate the mating process.

Dating is something that men and women do together.  It’s not a war.  There need not be strategy, or a battle plan, or things that you “do to” a woman to “make her” fall for you.  Women want to fall for you.  By being honest and making our intentions known, we’re setting the example and showing a woman that she can let her guard down and be real with you as well.  Before you know it, the communication lines are opened up and the real fun can begin.

The dating game is a tough scene to describe.  It’s both complex and simple at the same time.  In one way there is a lot to it, but in another way there really isn’t all that much.  In fact, 90% of the dating game is untangling your own self-limiting beliefs and allowing yourself to be the attractive person that you already are, inside.

During the course of this blog I will be covering different areas of the dating scene; from where to meet women, to exercise routines , to addressing internal issues that may have been in place for years without you even noticing.   And although I may post an extensive amount of information, the most important thing to understand is that the dating game isn’t as complex as it seems.  I promise.

If dating and mating was difficult, we’d die off.